My Heart Hurts 💙

My heart truly physically hurts. For my husband, for my brother-in-law, and for our other Blue family.

Even though T took another job three years ago & is no longer with EBRSO, we’ll always consider these other men & women part of our family. Many of them are extremely close friends who truly are just like family and when one heart is torn, we are all torn. These men & women who put on that uniform and badge everyday ARE our heroes, no doubt. They put their lives out there every.single.day to protect us and for many, it’s a way of life that they will never back down from.

We got the call around 12:30am from my sweet brother-in-law. My phone had gone off a few seconds before with the alert from WBRZ that there was a deputy-involved shooting, but no other details were given. So we already “knew” but didn’t really “know”. From T’s solemn tone, I knew it wasn’t good. My heart literally stopped for a few seconds. The look on his face said everything – we knew this guy. My heart raced from this family to that one because we are all young with itty bitty growing families. But young or old, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that a fellow Blue life was lost last night putting his all on the line in order to protect us. Such a senseless act that needs to stop!

Only a few short months ago {almost a whole year now}, three others were taken so suddenly from us. And one still continues to fight & give it his all everyday – in rehab.

Please pray for this fallen officer – this husband, friend, father, son, as well as his sweet family that will have to now go on without him. Their pain has to be unimaginable.

Rest In Peace with our Father, Sgt. Shawn Anderson.

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New Appointment Scheduled! 🙌🏻

I called today to go ahead & schedule {probably} my first-of-a-few follow up appointments before my actual surgery date. I say first-of-a-few because I’m quite certain my doctor will want another MRI to compare to the last & then there’s always the pre-op.

I’ve decided to stay with my care at The NeuroMedical Center. I have several reasons, but it all boils down to the fact that it’s just simply more convenient for all. Dr. B said I’ll be in the hospital for 4 days, with the first day being ICU. That means T will most probably stay with me {even though I told him he doesn’t have to} & our little princess, with my in-laws. It would completely break me to be a few hours away from her & just know I can’t see her. At least this way, T can bring her to see me and even if not, I know that I’m only 30 minutes away. It will be easier for people to come there than to travel 2+ hours to New Orleans and fight that nasty traffic. Not to say BR traffic is a whole heck of a lot better, but still.

The NeuroMedical Center, after all, has the region’s largest team of doctors specializing in my ol noggin. And as an added bonus, the doctor who performed my brain surgery {when I was five} actually founded the Center.

Yes, I’ve heard the good, the bad, and the ugly, but isn’t that everywhere? I’m really not concerned with how much I like the doctor’s attitude as long as he can do good things up there – in my head.

The memory loss itself is horrible! Just today, T went to take a shower before he left for work. A few minutes later, he hollered out my name. I ran in the bathroom to see what was going on. He replied with, “Just letting you know I’m in.” Umm ok, thanks for that info, hubs but I heard the water running. I guess he was as confused as I was because he asked if I had remembered telling him to tell me when he got in. “Mae, are you sure?! That was like 5 minutes ago.” Nope, had no idea. 😑

So, if you come in my house & see notes to myself EVERYWHERE – this is why. I literally have to remind myself of everything- taking my meds to even feeding R and myself. Blah, blah, blah right? I feel like I’m 96.

So, come on April 4th. I’m anxiously awaiting you!

I’ll update more when I know more. Until then…

xo,

Maegan {Sweet cousins @ Honey & Poppie’s yesterday.}

The End Is In Sight

The outage, that is. And it wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be. The only other one I have to compare to is the one when Reesey was a newborn and if you knew me then, we ALL know we don’t  want to revisit that time period – EVER!

But with that end in sight, comes the hard truth that surgery is near. Yep, the surgery that I blogged about a few months ago but I’ve declined to say anything else about. More or less, just put it out of my mind for a few months since I knew I couldn’t set a date yet anyway and of course, I’m not too keen on the idea of thinking {or overthinking, in my case} there’s a tumor growing inside my head and it needs to removed, but it can’t right now. {insert anxiety level through the roof} 😳

Alas, the time has come. I don’t know if I’m ready because at this present time, Reesey clings to me like a spider monkey most days – refusing anyone else but me – even Tommy. How is that going to work if I can’t bend down or pick up on anything for several weeks?! That part has me more worried than the surgery itself. Surgery is just surgery. I’m definitely not new to this game.

Hopefully we can get a date soon before the summer – so I can participate in normal summer fun things with my sweet little family instead of being stuck in bed.

My girl is so much fun these days & I know it’s just going to get better & better, especially with the warmer days approaching. Well, I guess I should say springy-er days coming. We live in South Louisiana, we had a whole 4 days of winter this year. 🙄

Will update more when I know more.
xo,

Maegan


{signing off with a picture from last night. 😂. My girl was so tired but she kept insisting “No Sleep”.}

The Simple Things

Today was an amazing day, even though Tommy only had a few short hours with us before he had to go back to work.

Since the big park didn’t work out yesterday, we decided we were definitely bringing Reesey to the one within walking distance of our house. The weather was absolutely fantastic! And our girl enjoyed the heck out of herself blowing bubbles with her humongous bubble wand, bouncing from one thing to another, and running around like a crazy girl. We even brought Cookie on our little adventure & of course, she loved every second of running wide open!


I think our girl wore herself out because she literally passed out when we got home. Even said, “Mama I tired.” I just love her so much!

Super exciting news: Tommy said only about 2 more weeks of this outage! While I usually take these comments with a grain of salt because they are NEVER finished when they say they are, I truly think it’ll be 2-3 more weeks, maybe 4. Eeeekkkk, yay for a normal schedule again & for seeing him a little more than a few hours here & there.


And last but not least – we welcomed a new addition to our family this past week!

Congrats to my awesome sister-in-law {and brother-in-law} for having this big bundle of love au naturale. She’s such an amazing mama! We ❤️ her big! Baby Jacob is half the size of my little Reesey. But that’s ok – that just means she has double protection with him and big brother, James.

xo,

Maegan

People Are Legit Crazy! 🤡

And I’m just over here, all happy go lucky – minding my own business, keeping to myself, doing mama things because that’s what we, mamas, do. And I wake up to this random text message {6 page text message, mind you} from a so-called friend who is suffering from an illness but goes off on me because I haven’t been by to see her and/or check on her. Darlin, I see your posts on the FB where you say you can hardly get off the couch some days & you’re sh*tting your pants most of the time so you’ve started wearing Depends. Ok, maybe I’m wrong but I want no one {I repeat NO ONE} seeing me like that, except my husband who’s seen it all.


Let’s back up a bit, shall we? We recently attended a Valentine’s Day party for our littles at a sweet friend’s house. First things first – I didn’t know where her house was so I’m creeping down the street {but she also lives in a new, up & coming neighborhood so there’s no one really riding the streets.} I felt creeping along was ok. I’m also admiring all the beautiful houses they have/are building because we’ve pretty much decided this is our next stop in the home buying journey. Such a great establishment with plenty to do, beautiful houses, and overall just a great place to continue raising our little family. {k, now that the back story is told…}

I look up to see that I’m getting honked at  – with hands all flying in the air like WHOA. Umm, wahhhht was that?! She flys into a parking spot like freakin Cruella Deville, grabs the kid out the car, and proceeds to run in. No saying hi to us, waiting for us to all walk in together because by this time I had to park at our friend’s neighbors house. NBD to us as we love walking & it was a nice breezy day. That, my friend’s, was the first red flag. 📍Whatev, I have bigger fish to fry so I don’t let myself get worked up with petty s**t. Inside, homegirl does not say a word! All of my mama friends are casually talking while keeping an eye on the littles, having great conversation as I have not seen most of them in quite some time. {Reesey’s crazy sleep/nap schedule is to blame for that.} I’m sure one day we’ll get back on track, but for now I’m just enjoying the extra snuggles. By this time, I’m so enveloped in watching Reesey & making sure she’s minding her manners that I’m not even bothered by what’s going on. Homegirl literally avoids me at all costs & summons her child to stay away from me as well. Second red flag! 📍WTH?!

Well, being the person I am, I still went up to her & offered to watch her little girl while she rested, etc. Her little girl adores me {for some reason – prob more than my own kid} so if she dropped her off with me for a bit, I think the girls would have a great time & that would give her time to rest & recoop. She nodded a little “thank you” but then not long after, gathered her things & left. No good bye, nothing.


I had even told her when I got there that I brought her a little “get well happy” with me today because we haven’t been able to meet up lately. Didn’t get that either, but then later bashed me in THE text message belittling me because I didn’t bring it to her house. Wow! Well, now I’ll just keep it for my own, I suppose.

Please tell me if I’m wrong here. My child naps from 1:30ish to 3:30ish or 4. Give or take some depending on when she goes down. You can’t get your feelings hurt if you always want to go to the park, play date, etc. in the hours my child is napping so I have to repeatedly say no. I am NOT waking her up just to go play. She’s too much like her mama in that this girl loves her sleep. In my opinion, maybe that happened a few times too many for her liking & she thought I was avoiding her. I dunno anymore. She should know me better than that though. {Le sigh}

I guess this all boils down to these facts: we both have young kids who need naps during the day. Mine naps at a different time from hers. I’m not going to be that kind that HAS to do something everyday. We’re quite content in our own little home. Reesey doesn’t like leaving the house a lot of the time. I work around her. If I absolutely must, then yes, we go. But everyday – a planned scheduled activity – that’s a little over the top {for us anyway}.

Please give me some insight on how you would handle things. But for now, the wound is still open & kinda raw. Well, as I typed that, I’m thinking no – really, I just shrugged it off because that just goes to show me how cray cray & ignorant she really is.
xo,

Maegan

Excuse Me, My Dear: 

A post about rants:

I’m tired of attending pitty parties. We’re all grown-ups in this big world. We’re all doing life together. Sometimes it sucks like a mofo, but ya know what? You just get back up & try again the next day. Sometimes you will succeed at whatever it is & sometimes you’ll fail. That’s all part of it, my dear.

 I get it – I really do. Adulting is hard & most nights at 10:30 {Reesey’s new bedtime she made for herself 🙄}, I just want to close my pretty little eyes & block out everything. Mom’ing is exceptionally hard, especially during this season we’re going through. But ya know what, it’s my favorite – it’s so fun to watch her adventure thru life & pave her own path, figure out things on her own, develop an imagination beyond my wildest dreams, etc. Ok, I’m getting off track — 

But ya know who gets the most satisfaction from your pitty parties? The devil! And that’s def NOT who we’re striving to please. 

I’m so sick and tired of living my life trying to please others & worrying if they’ll be mad because of this, that, and the other. I’m such a people pleaser, though. That’s just who I am & this is something I love to do. {well, most of the time anyway.} I’ve come to accept the fact that not everyone is going to be 💯 percent happy with me for whatever reason. But in turn, I have to do what is best for me & my little family. After all, they are who I live for. Number 2 only to my God. 

Get it, got it, good! Now carry on with regularly scheduled life. 

In other news, my little sissy surprised Reesey & I with a random visit this afternoon/evening. Great times were had. Just a quick stop in our local children’s consignment boutique {where we found some fab stuff} & a quick dinner at Zaxby’s, my favorite of all chicken places. Tommy begs to differ. He actually hates it for whatever reason but yay, it was just the girls & kiddos {as he was at work}. We said our goodbyes before the littles got super cray so we could get them home & in bed. My heart is full! ❤️

xo, 

Maegan 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

We had a great little day yesterday, just Reesey & Mommy. We only saw T. for a few hours that morning before we left out for a Valentine Playgroup party. Reesey loved playing with her little friends & enjoyed all the treats, as well as the crafts. Anything that involves stickers is totally her jam. It was nice to visit with my other Mommy friends as well since we haven’t been able to do that in awhile. 

By the time we returned home, Reesey was conked out in her car seat & it was almost time for T. to leave for work. Le sigh, I feel like we never see him anymore. A few hours each morning & then if I choose to stay up past midnight, I’ll maybe get another 30 minutes before I start sawing logs on the pillow next to him. 

Anyway, Reesey & I had a great little Valentine’s night. We ate homemade chocolate chip cookies, read tons of books, watched a million episodes of Peppa & just enjoyed snuggling. I sure do love my little cuddlebug! 


(photo cred: Tess Ricketts Photography) The best photographer/friend in the whole wide everything!) 

xo, 

Maegan 

The Best Day

Well, the best day since T’s outage has begun. 

Saturday’s are his one & only off day for the week. Blah, right. Today was so beautiful that we were NOT spending it indoors. Plus, the weather was warm. Go figure. 🙄

We started the day out with cinnamon rolls {and extra icing of course.} A little playtime outside with a good cup of coffee, our furbabies {as Zoey loves a good game of fetch}, and my other two loves does something to the soul, something real, real good. Followed by a spur-of-the-moment decision to go to the zoo! Reesey could hardly contain her excitement! She’s in love with animals & couldn’t wait to see the “raffs” {giraffes} & “efants” {elephants} although we don’t have elephants anymore at our local zoo. 😔 A few died & the others were transferred to other zoos to be with friends. Such a sad situation. 


The weather the whole day was just perfect! A little breezy & not too warm. As we were leaving, we started to feel a few raindrops. Perfect timing – but then it never rained. We buckled up and headed home because we were all tuckered out. I had a feeling Reesey would fall asleep on the way home & then not continue her nap at home. Thank goodness I was wrong because I was exhausted as well. I jumped in bed with her, cuddled up, and we all took a long siesta. We woke up just in time to go to our favorite little restaurant for an early supper & still had time to come home and do our {smallish} bonfire and roast marshmallows. Reesey had the time of her life! We bought her some glow sticks, a glow wand, and glow punch balloons so she could see & play in the dark. She was in legit HEAVEN! The fire was just enough & she was D-O-N-E. She was ready for a nice warm bath and a movie. We had pumped her up for a few days now about Trolls so we were glad the night allowed. Such a cute movie! 


Today was a definite success since the outage has begun. Best day ever! 

xo, 

Maegan 

And So It Begins.

The dreaded outage. Where Tommy works 6 12’s. Where we barely see him. The one that every wife/significant other *HATES* with a screaming passion but secretly loves the paycheck. Where I become a single parent for what feels like forever because we get jerked around by being told the end date is this day. Then, oh no, we changed our minds. It’s gonna be this day. Nope, the sh** hit the fan. But we promise it’s this date. Blah, blah, blah! We’ll see what fun this one has to bring. My MIL & I both get to complain to each other because T & his dad both work at the same plant.

I know I’m complaining & sounding like a spoiled little brat but this only comes around every 2 years. {Yep, you got that right. Last time this happened, Reesey was a newborn. Talk about pull my hair out, wanna die, cry, all of the above, etc.} I did cry though. Every.Single.Night he left us. Probably the PPD talking but IT WAS AWFUL! PURE HELL! 

This go round, I’m hoping for a much smoother time. Reesey is older now & so easy to care for. Well, as sassy as they come but hey, I can deal with that. She gets it honest. 😂

Night #1 – complete! {without any meltdowns} HOLLA! #parentingwin

Off to sleep now because you know my princess requires her mama to come snuggle her at some point during the night. ☺️

xo,

Maegan

As I Sit Here Alone…

Ahhh, peace and quiet. That is quite rare in this household these days. Mostly, I never get to experience it because I’m sleeping myself. But tonight, tonight is different. All I can hear is the occasional hum of the ceiling fan here in the living room & my sweet girl’s noise machine in the distance. 

The hubs is so exhausted from work {which is only about to get worse 😣 with the upcoming chaotic schedule of the outage} – that I finally told him at around 9pm to go to bed. I would bathe & put Reesey to sleep myself tonight. {SIDE NOTE: We took a crazy late nap today & woke up around 6:30pm so I wasn’t quite sure when bedtime would come for her.} We had a fun girls night though! Took our baths, got into our jammies, read book after book after book, played “check-up” {doctor, with her Doc McStuffins doctor kit} ate popcorn, and she even helped me tidy up her room a little. #winning 

Even though we napped late, the eye-rubbing & gathering of her beloved “Tig” and “Pumpky” started around 10:30, which is the norm for her now. I’m a stay at home mom so we don’t typically do schedules around here. When you’re sleepy, we go to sleep. There’s no reason for me to force her to sleep at 9pm only to wake at 6am. That would only make for one grumpy kid & one grumpier mama. At some point during the night/early morning hours she usually calls out for me to which I get her & we go jump in the guest bed for the remainder of the night. This lets us both sleep in til about 9/930ish. I’m encouraging bad habits, you say? Well, this may be my only baby {because I’m not doing all those crazy fertility treatments again, etc.} and they’re only this little once. There will come a time when she doesn’t want me to snuggle with her anymore but right now is not that time & for now, I will soak it all up. 

I rarely get this late-at-night mama time alone in the darkness with my {other} cuddle bug, Cookie, who has appeared to conk out on me already. 

Yes, my living room is a disaster with toys strewn all over the place and I’m sitting here blogging away with not a care in the world. But, I can & will clean tomorrow. Right now is for me. For me to gather my thoughts & jot them down, make my to-do list for tomorrow, catch up on reading, think of DIY projects I would love to do to the house but never have the time, etc.

I grabbed my favorite salad, made a cup of hot tea, and settled down on the couch under my most-comfy blanket. I really hope I don’t fall asleep here myself or the hubs will probably wake up in a panic when he doesn’t feel me beside him. Or he could just sleep the night away & not realize I was even missing. {hehe, probably the latter.}

Sitting here by myself kinda reminds me of the times he worked all those long nights {when he was an LEO} and it was just me. I couldn’t sleep {a lot of the time} scared to death I was going to get a knock at the door telling me the worst had happened. Thank you, dear Jesus, for putting him in another work environment. It eases all of our minds & helps us to rest a little easier at night. 

Now I’ve rambled on long enough that my sleepy eyes are starting to close so I guess that means bedtime for me, too. I’m sure my princess will be waking in an hour or two for me to go get her. 

xo, 

Maegan